A hot Sunday afternoon. He had just finished his lunch. With his eight yards dhothi, spotless white, folded neatly, and a sleeved vest he came and sat on the sofa. He had been busy since morning, with all the household chores, vacuuming the cobwebs, dusting the house, organizing his shelf, running the washing machine…….it had been a long and busy morning. By now it was about half past eleven and he finished his food and sat on the sofa and was just with himself.
His kids were in the other room playing and the wife was busy finishing up the kitchen. Except for the noise from these, and the occasional afternoon crow , cawing in the afternoon heat, there was nothing else to bother him. He was fiddling the remote of the TV and switched it on. From one channel to another, he was flipping through about 73 different channels, a news here, a movie there, a channel of grotesque violence, and another channel of sizzles….nothing really interested him. He switched it off, and flipped the newspaper as it lay beside him, read through the headlines and they had the same old stories of corruption, murder, rape and a failed peace talk somewhere in the middleeast……….. He was sick of it by now and he threw the paper and closed his eyes, and sat, with his hands crossed across his lap.
He said to himself “It is boring.”, and as he said he was listening to it.
It was a very funny feeling as the word came back to him again “boring”, now it was not he who was uttering it, but the word just came bouncing back, and every time it became louder inside him.
He just sat there listening to it.
In that silence, filled with an occasional noise or a twitter or the childrens’ yelling, there was another noise or was it a voice……….he wasn’t sure..
“what do you mean by boring?”
He sat there listening to this as well, and didn’t interrupt the dialogue.
“ I don’t know, its just boring that’s all, what do you mean, asking for the meaning, boring means boring that’s all.” He shrilled
“Sorry, it is not so simple to me as you make it seem, I want you to tell me, what do you mean by that. I know that bore is used as a word which means to make a hole., are you using it in the same context?”
“Oh god…. Am already in pain and suffering stiff , now where the hell did you come from asking me all this, anyway , am not using it in that sense, but just that am bored, I don’t know what to do.”
“Oh OK, so are they synonymous…not knowing what to do and being bored?”
“Well not exactly synonymous…..when I don’t know what to do , am bored.”
“OK were you bored in the morning”
“Ha…you got to be joking, I was so busy from the time I got up, finished so much work, see the place, how clean it is, I have been doing all this crazy stuff since morning, and am just sitting now, feeling so tired and wanting to relax, with so much work how could I have been bored, no I was not bored in the morning.” He screamed the last few words.
“Wow, so it is you who did all this work,…. good and you didn’t feel bored while doing it”
“God you are one brilliant guy, you understand so fast….” He said cynically.
“and now you are relaxing!”
“Yeah am!” he replied raising his voice in frustration.
“Then why are you bored?”
“Not again you idiot!’ he screamed.
“Now please don’t get angry. Let us take this one step at a time. Anyway you have nothing to do, so why don’t we talk, can we ….please” he requested.
“OK. Let us try.”
“Thanks, so you were busy since morning, and you were not bored then and you are tired now and want to relax and you are bored, am I right?”
“Yes absolutely.”
“So when you say you are bored, what exactly are you trying to mean? Now please don’t be impatient, just tell me what is it that’s happening in you when you say that?”
He was quiet. It was so easy for him to use that word all along, but never in life did he think about the meaning of the word or the state of mind when he used it, or what he wanted, to overcome that. He was lost. He tried to think about it, but he felt stonewalled, unable to come up with an answer, he felt defeated and humiliated, slowly the anger beginning to rise.
“Now please again don’t get angry or don’t walk away, am just trying to understand because I have never been able to understand that word, so please tell me , what is it to be bored,?” the questioner asked.
“I don’t know….” He said in a slow whisper, and he was then realizing that he really didn’t know what it was to be bored.
“Can we try to find out together…he asked hesitantly”
“Yes, we can” he said
“when you are busy, how do you feel,? Lets try to understand what it means not to be bored”.
“I am busy, am working, am doing something so am occupied with some work.”
“Elaborate more pls… if you can”
“I don’t know how to elaborate, but when I work, am doing something, am physically and mentally engaged, am doing something and seeing the results, that’s it.”
“So now how do you feel?” he asked.
And before he could answer, the questioner said, ok let us forget this for a while, we can get back to this again.
He was very relieved and a smile lit his face,
“Thank you for gods sake!!!!!!!!!”.
The questioner started, “In life, what is the one thing which seems to be very elusive to you, but still you strive for it”.
He was thinking, this seemed to be an easy question but he wanted to give the perfect answer, and he said,
“this is personal and relevant to me alone, not necessary its got to be the same for every one , is that ok?” he replied his forefinger shaking and eyebrows arched.
“that’s fine, its only between you and me, so go ahead and tell me” he said.
“peace of mind……….that’s what is important to me and seems to be…..what the hell seems to be , the damn thing is elusive”, he said.
“Oh! Brilliant, so you are not behind money, or women or any of the materialistic things then eh?” he countered.
“Oh no, have had enough and what I have is sufficient for me”
“Fine so what do you mean by peace of mind”.
“Now why the hell are you bent on making my afternoon nap time so painful, I didn’t offend you in anyway in life, I have never even met you before, but why this torture…..” he was almost in tears.
“No, am just helping you pass your afternoon, so tell me, what do you mean by peace of mind?”
“Ok” he grumbled, what I mean by that is, …………he hesitated, not sure of the words to choose “basically, when I have nothing nagging me, or paining me, not physically but mentally, completely at ease….that kind of stuff, u know….. that’s what I mean by peace of mind”.
“I see, good that you have been able to tell what you mean by that, so to you peace of mind is the most important and by that you mean, a mind free of problems, am I right?”
“YES!” again his impatience rising he replied.
“Well please hold on, we are almost done, so when do you think your mind is free of problems?”
“When am in deep sleep” pat came the reply.
“but when you wake up the next morning, how is it?”
“Oh don’t ask me, its like they were all waiting for me to wake up and they rush in, and am lost again”.
His voice taking a very sonorous, soft note suddenly said,
“a thoughtless mind gives you peace of mind, is that what you are saying?”
“Yes I guess,” he was a bit scared as it was seeming to get into the realms of the esoteric.
“and you are looking for that to hold on to it, isn’t it?”
“Obviously yes”, he said with a cryptic smile and a look which made him quiver
Unabashed he continued, so let us get back to your question of being bored again.
“when you have things to do, you are preoccupied mentally is it?”
“Yes”
“And with nothing to do, why are you saying you are bored, what is the state of your mind then,” he asked
“I may not be able to answer in one sentence but let me try. When I have nothing to do, I feel lost, I feel so lonely, gives the feeling that am going to go mad, I fidget, I turn around, toss around, read the paper, or watch the TV but nothing helps, and with nothing to do, which I call as being bored, the monotony which prevails, it slowly pushes me to getting frustrated.”
“fine, so when your mind has nothing to occupy itself with, you get the feeling of what you call as bored, and if that lasts then you get frustrated, is it so?”
“Hmmmm… I think yes, looks like we are pretty close to that”
“But you just now said that you are looking for peace of mind, and that’s possible with a thoughtless mind, and then when you have the prospect of getting there, you tend to wish it away, isn’t it?”
The soft words, suddenly seem to strike him, hard as a falling block of granite. In more than one way, it seemed to be true. Whenever he wanted to be at peace with himself, quiet and alone with himself and with nothing to do, and got an opportunity, he felt he was bored.
“Yes, I agree with what you say, but I don’t know why, am not able to stick to that void. Though I like to have it. I probably didn’t understand peace of mind also I think, but the prospect of being with that state seems a bit frightening”
“That’s very natural, cos devoid of the busy engaged mind, your ego dies, and the consequence of that stilled ego, is a peaceful mind. On the other hand, it’s the ego which gives all the complications of your life, as a father, brother, …..anybody for that matter. The ego develops all your attributes, and you feel you are the attribute itself. But remember when you are able to face that still mind and in the process be absorbed, the serene state as a placid lake, that’s what you call as peace of mind, but given the ways you find to keep yourself busy even with the possible chance to rest it, your mind is going to pieces, which leads to all your issues. So why not try to face it and live with that state. Don’t move away from that stillness. Don’t be bogged down by the semantics of boredom. All that you do is move from one confusion to another to keep yourself , rather your ego alive and busy, but let it die for sometime, so that you can live, and not just vegetate…………..can you try? Friend if the ocean were to respond to the eccentricities of each wave, imagine what would happen, the greatness being, that the ocean knows that the wave is just a part of it and not it by itself, that’s the greatness of the ocean”
Listening to this editorial, he felt a certain sense of clarity and there was no reason to disagree also with what it said. The metaphor of the ocean striking the right chord, he felt a gush of thrilling feel of ease flowing through him. Letting the words sink into him, as he observed them conversing, he felt the warm afternoon breeze blowing, as the realization dawned, probably there is nothing of which he was bored, he was only bored of not being with himself, and his inability to be so, was frustrating him.
Gently lying on the couch, as the silence became louder, he was at peace with himself, observing all the thoughts as they flashed, without responding but just observing, slowly he fell into a deep sleep, as he enjoyed his afternoon nap, as he drifted undisturbed and dreamless into the depths of peace. Boredom never seemed to exist, except as a word.
His kids were in the other room playing and the wife was busy finishing up the kitchen. Except for the noise from these, and the occasional afternoon crow , cawing in the afternoon heat, there was nothing else to bother him. He was fiddling the remote of the TV and switched it on. From one channel to another, he was flipping through about 73 different channels, a news here, a movie there, a channel of grotesque violence, and another channel of sizzles….nothing really interested him. He switched it off, and flipped the newspaper as it lay beside him, read through the headlines and they had the same old stories of corruption, murder, rape and a failed peace talk somewhere in the middleeast……….. He was sick of it by now and he threw the paper and closed his eyes, and sat, with his hands crossed across his lap.
He said to himself “It is boring.”, and as he said he was listening to it.
It was a very funny feeling as the word came back to him again “boring”, now it was not he who was uttering it, but the word just came bouncing back, and every time it became louder inside him.
He just sat there listening to it.
In that silence, filled with an occasional noise or a twitter or the childrens’ yelling, there was another noise or was it a voice……….he wasn’t sure..
“what do you mean by boring?”
He sat there listening to this as well, and didn’t interrupt the dialogue.
“ I don’t know, its just boring that’s all, what do you mean, asking for the meaning, boring means boring that’s all.” He shrilled
“Sorry, it is not so simple to me as you make it seem, I want you to tell me, what do you mean by that. I know that bore is used as a word which means to make a hole., are you using it in the same context?”
“Oh god…. Am already in pain and suffering stiff , now where the hell did you come from asking me all this, anyway , am not using it in that sense, but just that am bored, I don’t know what to do.”
“Oh OK, so are they synonymous…not knowing what to do and being bored?”
“Well not exactly synonymous…..when I don’t know what to do , am bored.”
“OK were you bored in the morning”
“Ha…you got to be joking, I was so busy from the time I got up, finished so much work, see the place, how clean it is, I have been doing all this crazy stuff since morning, and am just sitting now, feeling so tired and wanting to relax, with so much work how could I have been bored, no I was not bored in the morning.” He screamed the last few words.
“Wow, so it is you who did all this work,…. good and you didn’t feel bored while doing it”
“God you are one brilliant guy, you understand so fast….” He said cynically.
“and now you are relaxing!”
“Yeah am!” he replied raising his voice in frustration.
“Then why are you bored?”
“Not again you idiot!’ he screamed.
“Now please don’t get angry. Let us take this one step at a time. Anyway you have nothing to do, so why don’t we talk, can we ….please” he requested.
“OK. Let us try.”
“Thanks, so you were busy since morning, and you were not bored then and you are tired now and want to relax and you are bored, am I right?”
“Yes absolutely.”
“So when you say you are bored, what exactly are you trying to mean? Now please don’t be impatient, just tell me what is it that’s happening in you when you say that?”
He was quiet. It was so easy for him to use that word all along, but never in life did he think about the meaning of the word or the state of mind when he used it, or what he wanted, to overcome that. He was lost. He tried to think about it, but he felt stonewalled, unable to come up with an answer, he felt defeated and humiliated, slowly the anger beginning to rise.
“Now please again don’t get angry or don’t walk away, am just trying to understand because I have never been able to understand that word, so please tell me , what is it to be bored,?” the questioner asked.
“I don’t know….” He said in a slow whisper, and he was then realizing that he really didn’t know what it was to be bored.
“Can we try to find out together…he asked hesitantly”
“Yes, we can” he said
“when you are busy, how do you feel,? Lets try to understand what it means not to be bored”.
“I am busy, am working, am doing something so am occupied with some work.”
“Elaborate more pls… if you can”
“I don’t know how to elaborate, but when I work, am doing something, am physically and mentally engaged, am doing something and seeing the results, that’s it.”
“So now how do you feel?” he asked.
And before he could answer, the questioner said, ok let us forget this for a while, we can get back to this again.
He was very relieved and a smile lit his face,
“Thank you for gods sake!!!!!!!!!”.
The questioner started, “In life, what is the one thing which seems to be very elusive to you, but still you strive for it”.
He was thinking, this seemed to be an easy question but he wanted to give the perfect answer, and he said,
“this is personal and relevant to me alone, not necessary its got to be the same for every one , is that ok?” he replied his forefinger shaking and eyebrows arched.
“that’s fine, its only between you and me, so go ahead and tell me” he said.
“peace of mind……….that’s what is important to me and seems to be…..what the hell seems to be , the damn thing is elusive”, he said.
“Oh! Brilliant, so you are not behind money, or women or any of the materialistic things then eh?” he countered.
“Oh no, have had enough and what I have is sufficient for me”
“Fine so what do you mean by peace of mind”.
“Now why the hell are you bent on making my afternoon nap time so painful, I didn’t offend you in anyway in life, I have never even met you before, but why this torture…..” he was almost in tears.
“No, am just helping you pass your afternoon, so tell me, what do you mean by peace of mind?”
“Ok” he grumbled, what I mean by that is, …………he hesitated, not sure of the words to choose “basically, when I have nothing nagging me, or paining me, not physically but mentally, completely at ease….that kind of stuff, u know….. that’s what I mean by peace of mind”.
“I see, good that you have been able to tell what you mean by that, so to you peace of mind is the most important and by that you mean, a mind free of problems, am I right?”
“YES!” again his impatience rising he replied.
“Well please hold on, we are almost done, so when do you think your mind is free of problems?”
“When am in deep sleep” pat came the reply.
“but when you wake up the next morning, how is it?”
“Oh don’t ask me, its like they were all waiting for me to wake up and they rush in, and am lost again”.
His voice taking a very sonorous, soft note suddenly said,
“a thoughtless mind gives you peace of mind, is that what you are saying?”
“Yes I guess,” he was a bit scared as it was seeming to get into the realms of the esoteric.
“and you are looking for that to hold on to it, isn’t it?”
“Obviously yes”, he said with a cryptic smile and a look which made him quiver
Unabashed he continued, so let us get back to your question of being bored again.
“when you have things to do, you are preoccupied mentally is it?”
“Yes”
“And with nothing to do, why are you saying you are bored, what is the state of your mind then,” he asked
“I may not be able to answer in one sentence but let me try. When I have nothing to do, I feel lost, I feel so lonely, gives the feeling that am going to go mad, I fidget, I turn around, toss around, read the paper, or watch the TV but nothing helps, and with nothing to do, which I call as being bored, the monotony which prevails, it slowly pushes me to getting frustrated.”
“fine, so when your mind has nothing to occupy itself with, you get the feeling of what you call as bored, and if that lasts then you get frustrated, is it so?”
“Hmmmm… I think yes, looks like we are pretty close to that”
“But you just now said that you are looking for peace of mind, and that’s possible with a thoughtless mind, and then when you have the prospect of getting there, you tend to wish it away, isn’t it?”
The soft words, suddenly seem to strike him, hard as a falling block of granite. In more than one way, it seemed to be true. Whenever he wanted to be at peace with himself, quiet and alone with himself and with nothing to do, and got an opportunity, he felt he was bored.
“Yes, I agree with what you say, but I don’t know why, am not able to stick to that void. Though I like to have it. I probably didn’t understand peace of mind also I think, but the prospect of being with that state seems a bit frightening”
“That’s very natural, cos devoid of the busy engaged mind, your ego dies, and the consequence of that stilled ego, is a peaceful mind. On the other hand, it’s the ego which gives all the complications of your life, as a father, brother, …..anybody for that matter. The ego develops all your attributes, and you feel you are the attribute itself. But remember when you are able to face that still mind and in the process be absorbed, the serene state as a placid lake, that’s what you call as peace of mind, but given the ways you find to keep yourself busy even with the possible chance to rest it, your mind is going to pieces, which leads to all your issues. So why not try to face it and live with that state. Don’t move away from that stillness. Don’t be bogged down by the semantics of boredom. All that you do is move from one confusion to another to keep yourself , rather your ego alive and busy, but let it die for sometime, so that you can live, and not just vegetate…………..can you try? Friend if the ocean were to respond to the eccentricities of each wave, imagine what would happen, the greatness being, that the ocean knows that the wave is just a part of it and not it by itself, that’s the greatness of the ocean”
Listening to this editorial, he felt a certain sense of clarity and there was no reason to disagree also with what it said. The metaphor of the ocean striking the right chord, he felt a gush of thrilling feel of ease flowing through him. Letting the words sink into him, as he observed them conversing, he felt the warm afternoon breeze blowing, as the realization dawned, probably there is nothing of which he was bored, he was only bored of not being with himself, and his inability to be so, was frustrating him.
Gently lying on the couch, as the silence became louder, he was at peace with himself, observing all the thoughts as they flashed, without responding but just observing, slowly he fell into a deep sleep, as he enjoyed his afternoon nap, as he drifted undisturbed and dreamless into the depths of peace. Boredom never seemed to exist, except as a word.
1 comment:
Hi, I remember to have read this, earlier from you. Good analysis,indeed! Boredom is a word so often used by everyone, without knowing the meaning of it.
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